• Why you eyein’ me son? Or, another adventure into the yoniverse!

    A friend of a friend was recently flying first class when he looked over to the seat next to him and realized he was traveling next to a pair of eyes. Real human tissue eyes. The eyes had a seatbelt. I asked if the eyes had a meal, but my friend didn’t know. I wondered if they would go veg or kosher.  The guy knew they were eyes because it said so right on the box:  HUMAN TISSUE – EYES.  I guess it isn’t as bad as traveling next to a dead guy which I know has happened to people in the past. I am actually a little jealous that both the eyes and the dead guy got to go first-class.

    Two back-to-back super sweet things happened to my brother and me on a short trip to Jack-in-the-Box. First, we stumbled upon something the devil hisself concocted – TACO NACHOS. For $1.99. Basically, take two or three regular Jack-in-the-Box tacos, cut ‘em in half and top with yummy goopy nacho cheese, jalapenos and salsa. WTF, you guys. It felt really disgusting eating those things and I feel filthy for saying they were delish. And while we were waiting in the drive-thru, we saw a van pull up and a guy with Down’s Syndrome got out drinking a Dos Equis. His two ho-ey sisters followed and then he stuck the beer under his sweatshirt to sneak it in. Sometimes I go for weeks without a single cool thing happening to me. And to have these things happen to me in the span of about 5 minutes was, well, freakin delightful.

    I received a doodle from my co-worker, Steven the other day. He likes to leave me whacked out doodles of cute half naked girls flying airplanes or playing guitars. They usually accompany a note requesting that I do crummy things like deliver a letter or scan a document. This sketch was of an actual witness in a case we’re on as she testified on the witness stand. A word to the wise: if you are ever asked to testify in a federal court for say, a murder trial, you might want to steer clear of a t-shirt that reads “YOU AIN’T GANGSTA, YOU JUST FRONTIN.” Other shirts such as “SNITCHES GET STITCHES” or “SNITCHES IS BITCHES” are also not recommended. Just some friendly advice.

    So this month off of FaceBook taught me a whole lot. Mainly, that FaceBook is an unnecessary waste of time. It taught me that your real friends will still find a way to talk to you via telephone, email, or snail mail. I also learned that I hate the new layout. Because, yes I’m back. I guess it was more of a personal challenge and, since I rarely challenge myself, I take great pride in the fact that I was able to boycott for an entire month. My friend Grover did it too and silently (unlike me) so I guess I’m not so special. I received a super-nice email from the Netherlands (can you believe I actually have someone that far away who tunes in to my random blog of nonsense?!) requesting that I plug a book. It does relate to a post I had about a year ago about the YONIVERSE see stakin-out-the-pervs-bacon-and-the-edge-of-the-yoniverse for more details. This plug I’m doing is for a book by a female artist named Christina Camphausen. Here is the website for the book:  www.yoniversum.nl . It is very different than the yoniverse collages Steven’s mermaidy friend was making with acid trippy religious imagery of monks and dolphins, but it is worth a look. Tres Georgia O’Keefe. There is even a Blue Period. No pun intended. In her husband’s email to me, he says his wife regularly does paintings of women daring enough to have such an intimate portrait of themselves. I can truly not think of anything more intimate, nor daring than this.